Transcript:
Jace (he/him)
Hello, and welcome back to 603 Stories, a mental health podcast made by young adults for young adults. I’m Jace. My pronouns are he, him, his and I’ll be one of your co-hosts today.
Heather (she/they)
And I’m Heather. My pronouns are she and they and I am your other co-host on the podcast and before we get started, I just want to share a little reminder. Jace and I are not mental health professionals. We’re just two young folks who are passionate about mental health and sharing these conversations with you.
Today we have some wonderful guests joining us to talk about how mental health can be impacted by others’ expectations of us.
Jace (he/him)
So we will start today by diving a little bit deeper into what perceptions and expectations mean in this context, and later we will get to hear firsthand how these concepts can have a real life impact on our relationships, work and even self-image.
Heather (she/they)
But to start, let’s meet our guests for today’s episode.
Kayleigh, let’s start with you.
Kayleigh (she/her)
Hi! My name is Kayleigh. My pronouns are she/her. Some of my hobbies are cooking, singing. I love hiking, too. I am a preschool teacher right now, and I’m also in school for behavioral sciences. My pageant titles were Miss Lake Sunapee Region’s Outstanding Teen. Miss Littleton Areas Outstanding Teen and Miss Stratford County Outstanding Teen. Mental health is something that’s important to me, because it’s something that’s impacted my life actually pretty recently and I am very grateful, and excited to be on this podcast today.
Sarah (she/her)
Hi. My name is Sarah White. I am 24 years old. I am a huge New England sports fan. I work at a nursing home that I’ve been at for 6 years, and I’m currently working towards my master’s degree in nursing and leadership. Health care is something that I’m very passionate about and holistic health specifically. I’ve been a dancer since I was 3, and I have been competing within the Miss New Hampshire Scholarship Program since I was 9 years old.
I currently hold the title of Miss New Hampshire 2022 representing the Miss New Hampshire scholarship program within the Miss America organization. Through the program, my social impact initiative since I had to develop a social impact initiative has been surrounding mental health. It’s currently titled Mind Your Mental Health, which really focuses on promoting mental wellness for all through personal connection and awareness and resources and education.
I have been a volunteer and member with NAMI NH for 7 years now, and I am most recently an In Our Own Voice, Speaker and It’s Your Move, advocate for legislation, and I just think it’s so important to talk about mental health. It’s something that I struggle with. A lot of people around me struggle with as well. And so I thought that being on stage was the perfect place to talk about it.
Jace (he/him)
Great, Thank you and Crystal.
Crystal (she/they)
My name is Crystal Andres. I am 36 years old. My pronouns are she/they. I enjoy singing songwriting and acting. I work as a child and family therapist, at Lakes Region Mental Health Center, and I have a masters degree in mental health counseling. My former titles for Mrs. New Hampshire International, 2020. Mrs Concord Petite 2021. Mrs. New England International 2022, and I’m currently Mrs. Central New Hampshire, Petite, 2023.
Mental health is important to me because of my own personal struggle, my professional life, and I volunteer with NAMI NH as an In Our Own Voice speaker, NAMI Basics teacher, It’s Your Move advocate, as well as volunteering for other agencies, and it’s just my life’s work and passion.
Jace (he/him)
Well, thank you all so much for taking the time to introduce yourselves. So as you heard all 3 of our guests today say all of them are in the pageant world in some way or another – and we wanted to use that opportunity to talk about perceptions and expectations of mental health, and how that may change based on your experience kind of being in the spotlight in some sense and using that spotlight as a platform for mental wellness and advocating for mental health. So with that, i’m just gonna jump into our first question and ask, Could you describe what pageantry is, just a little bit more? Because I know that a lot of people, when they think about pageantry, they think about the dresses and the talent portion of pageantry. But what does it entail beyond that? And why does it, like feel like meaningful work for all of you.
Sarah (she/her)
Okay, I was just gonna say, I think the cool thing about pageantry is that each system is a little bit different. So I have only ever competed in the Miss America Organization and the phases of competition include a 10 min private interview with the judges before the on stage preliminary start. And then there’s a talent phase of the competition, and I had mentioned earlier we do, we, have a social impact initiative which is kind of like a cause that everyone chooses about something that they’re passionate about. And then you have an on stage question, and there’s also evening wear as well. So it, I really love the Miss America organization because it’s all encompassing. It really looks for that well rounded woman who is able to really promote herself, promote the organization. It gives them a platform to stand upon and talk about the things that are important to that individual.
For me it’s mental health for some people like one of my best friends, she’s a pharmacist, and so she talks about medication, safety, and there’s teachers who talk about the importance of education and reading books. And so there’s really just such a large space to hone into feeling beautiful and loving who you are, and loving the skin that you’re in, and also those really powerful moments of standing on stage and speaking about something that you’re really passionate about.
Crystal (she/they)
And for me, one Miss Pageant I competed in was long time ago, so I can only speak to the Mrs. that I’ve been currently here for the past few years. They have your evening gown and your fitness wear, because they want a healthy body and a healthy mind. but also having in the on stage interview and the private interviews.
But they’re also platform based. So it’s essentially the same as the social impact initiative for the Miss America Organization. You pick a topic that you want to speak on for your year of your reigh. and it’s something that you’re involved in, that you’re passionate, and a lot of this is both the systems that I’ve been involved in for the Mrs division are platform based pageants. So yes, you do have to be in those other realms, but it’s, mainly speaking, on your platform, and the one thing that you’re involved in and passionate about, and something that you want to make a difference with with your title, or just in your life without your title.
Sarah (she/her)
Another piece that I wanted to bring up is service. That’s a big thing, I think, among a lot of pageant systems, is the idea of getting out into the community working on the things that you maybe not, or just, important to you, but also just important in general. There have been plenty of appearances that I’ve done that don’t have anything to do with my social impact initiative. But they needed somebody there who was going to be a representative for that organization for the time being, or, you know, to get people to ask questions, to make a keynote speech, something like that. So it really promotes getting out into the community as well, focusing on things that you’re passionate about, but also things that other people are passionate about and making everybody feel important.
Crystal (she/they)
I completely agree with that there.
Heather (she/they)
Okay, well, I am, I have to say, pleasantly surprised to hear you all share your experiences. I personally have very little understanding of real life pageantry, so outside of, you know, like Miss Congeniality, I really don’t know what happens behind the scenes. So with someone like me who doesn’t really have a very good understanding of the dynamics – how would you say that perceptions like that play into your roles?
Crystal (she/they)
I can honestly say that when I told people that I was doing my first pageant when I became Mrs New Hampshire International. They were perplexed because I’m 5’1”, I’m a little curvy, if you will. I have tattoos so their perception was that I didn’t fit their picture of what someone would typically participate in pageantry would be, and plus they also didn’t know there was Mrs. Divisions, typically they only think of Miss U.S.A. or Miss America. So when I told them that I was competing in the Mrs division, that was also something like oh, I didn’t realize that was a thing I thought it was just you hit a certain age you were done. And so just kind of opening people’s minds up to what is actually out there.
Kayleigh (she/her)
I think the first thing people ask me usually is oh, like toddlers and tiaras. And it’s quite honestly nothing like that. A lot of the women in the program that I am in specifically are you know, doing acts of service and also getting scholarship money.
And so they are competing to go to school and raise money for their education. So there’s a lot more involved in pageantry than a lot of people realize than the pretty dresses, and while I do love the pretty dresses, and they’re a lot of fun – that’s only a very small portion.
Sarah (she/her)
Yes, Kayleigh, you make such a good point. One of the things that people always say to me – even the people who are have been involved, is that it’s a beauty pageant. The specific system that I competed in and Kayleigh as well, because we competed in the same system together, is scholarship based. It’s a scholarship program organization. And while it has all of those factors, the on stage competition, because it’s really a job that you’re doing, you know the on stage portion that’s interviews, if you’re applying for a job, it’s just a little bit different of an application process. But this program has quite literally paid off my undergraduate degree. I have earned over $56,000 within the organization.
And so when I tell people it’s not a beauty pageant, I mean it. It’s the ability to do the job, to interview, to be trusted in a press room, to be able to de-escalate situations and be diplomatic like that. This program teaches you everything along those lines while paying off your degree, while paying for your education to further your career. And so that’s like the biggest perception or stigma kinda that I get, and also that it’s cady, or that the girls aren’t nice to each other.
I have had some wonderful and some not so wonderful experiences like there have been, I have met some of my best friends within the organization. And then there have been some people who aren’t so nice to everybody because they’re dealing with their own thing, you know, like I’ve always said hurt people hurt people and and sometimes that shows especially like in a competition setting. But I’ve mostly mostly found like in recent years, especially the sisterhood is so strong, like everyone is really just there to empower each other to push each other forward. We’re all there for similar reasons. There’s nothing better than surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals. and so it’s really a space to feel like you belong, to feel like you’re included, along with those other things, too.
Crystal (she/they)
And going up to the Mrs divisions, it’s still a job like Sarah said, and it’s giving you an opportunity to do the job of going out and doing service, and also promoting the accomplishments of married women like when I did a Mrs International. I’ve competed in that system twice.
There were doctors, there were therapists, there were teachers. There were women who have made their own accomplishments, and having their own inspirational stories versus just like, oh, you’re married now. You’re a mom. You have kids like that’s it. No. All the women there had their own success stories that they made on their own. So it was to inspire other women. So we’re not winning scholarships. But we’re still showing that what we’ve done and what we’ve accomplished is still impactful to the world.
Heather (she/they)
Thank you. I would like a little bit of clarity. I’m curious how you all are referring to this as a job, which absolutely it is. I’m just curious – how does having a position like this, a role like this impact your exterior professional life or your work?
Sarah (she/her)
So I actually, being Miss New Hampshire, is a full time job and I was in school, and I mentioned before I was in school for my nursing degree. I basically won Miss New Hampshire, went to bed at 3 o’clock in the morning, woke up at 9 o’clock the next morning to go clean up the theater until 4, and then came home, and I wrote 2 finals and then I finished my 2 weeks of school after that, and I actually took a year of deferment, because when I’ve been working on this dream for 15 years at this point, and I didn’t want to walk away with any regrets on either end of of the spectrum. So I didn’t want to not have the year, I wanted to have as Miss New Hampshire, because I was so focused on school, and I also didn’t want to compromise myself in school because of the job of Miss New Hampshire, so I knew I still work at a nursing home. I had the job of Miss New Hampshire – school was kind of the one thing that I could put on hold for just a little while, I’m halfway done. I’ll go back in March actually, and I’ll go to finish my degree.
But it’s just it’s you’re needed everywhere all the time. And it’s hard being the person who’s needed all the time. When sometimes you just need to take a minute to take a break, so one of the things that I started doing is Mondays are my day.
I tend not to schedule anything. I really had to put in place tools for myself, like physical things that I could do and hold myself accountable for. So I was taking good care of my mental health, because being in all these places at all the same time, and also not being in school, I was having a hard time transitioning to being Miss New Hampshire, and then, not being in school, and transitions are hard within pageants, too, because you constantly have a role change.
So just to kinda like, be in all of those places all at the same. I don’t know. It’s just, it’s hard needing to pick and choose to give your all to everything. When you want to give your all to every single thing that you’re passionate about, and that you like doing so.
Jace (he/him)
And I find it so interesting that all 3 of you chose helping professions for your day job as well. Like you said you work in a nursing home, and you are a preschool teacher, and you are a family therapist, like it’s so fascinating that you all chose helping professions after or during this process of doing pageants and having that service component along with it. Do you think your time in pageants kind of pushed you into pursuing a helping career or was that just kind of a coincidence that we picked 3 people that are all in service careers.
Crystal (she/they)
For me, I had gotten my degree in 2012. I didn’t get back into pageantry until 2019, so I had already been in the field for about 5 years before I even got back into pageantry. So I got the crown for the work I do, I don’t do the work I do for the crown is what I say. Because I was already doing the work. I was already in mental health, and so that became an easy platform, quote-unquote, for me, because it was what I was already doing. It was already what I was passionate about. So for me, the first pageant I didn’t 19, was on a whim, and I really had no idea what I was going into. But once I was older and understood it and found that it was platform based, it was just an easier transition.
Kayleigh (she/her)
So being a school teacher is kind of my in between job. But I really want to be a therapist, and that actually is my platform within the Miss America Organization. I go to hospitals and social education programs and donate professional instruments. And I’ve actually also donated to an eating disorder program, and I donated to a trauma program in Wisconsin as well.
I think that pageantry has actually given me an outlet to experience what I want to do for a living, kind of at a small scale, because I started doing it when I was 13 years old and so I got to experience, you know, I got to reach out to music therapist and sit in on a lesson, and those are things that I probably wouldn’t have done on my own without the platform, because me as just Kayleigh, I’m a pretty shy person, and when I have that title – and then I say that I’m Miss Stratford County Outstanding Teen, and I would like to sit in on a session…It makes it a little easier.
Jace Troie (he/him)
Yeah, I’m so glad that you’re able to do that, because there’s no such thing as just Kayleigh. I want to put that out there right away. You are Kayleigh, and you are doing amazing things. But I’m glad that you have that backup.
Sarah, did you have something you wanted to add?
Sarah (she/her)
Oh, I was just gonna say I feel like for me, I always knew that I wanted to be somewhere within helping people. I’m always taking care of other people, before myself I feel like, but it just so happens, that what I’m passionate about and pageantry has allowed me the space to do that, and the confidence to do that.
While also paying for it. And that’s where it kinda all comes back to for me, too, like I would be doing what I’m doing now, regardless of the Miss New Hampshire program or the Miss America Organization, I’d still be advocating for mental health. I’d still be going and getting my master’s degree in nursing and leadership. The Miss America Organization has just made it easier to do that.
Heather (she/they)
But I really appreciate you sharing the fact that participating in programs like this influences your confidence and builds your confidence and kind of leads us into another important question. How would you all say that participating in pageants impacts your self image?
Kayleigh (she/her)
And I think for me. When I’m competing I’m my only competition. The second I start comparing myself to other girls and start doubting myself. It just spirals. So. I think in a lot of ways it’s very easy to compare yourself to other people and think of like, you know your body isn’t the same as them.
You know they’re a better dancer than you are singer or something like that. But it just and there I mean there will be people that will come up to you, and will be like I don’t like your hair color, or your spray tan was too dark or things like that, like trivial things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things that will, if you let it hurt your self-esteem. But you have to have a strong head. And remember who you are as a person and why you’re really competing in this program. And it really has boosted my self esteem in a lot of ways, and prepared me for you know, a job interview, and because I had a pageant interview where I could even apply for a job. So it just, it boosted my self esteem, you know within myself and mentally too.
Jace (he/him)
I could see Crystal adamantly agreeing down there, I believe.
Crystal (she/they)
Yes, I can like, I said when I did my first pageant when I was a teenager. I walked into it on a whim, and didn’t really have any idea, and I let myself get in my own head, and that’s why I didn’t do my next pageant until I was probably 27? I don’t even know but it’s really boosted my confidence, especially being in the Mrs. Division, knowing that they’re basing it off my accomplishments more than my looks. So, knowing that I’ve accomplished these things. Helps kind of prove to myself that I deserve to sit at the table, if you will, and that’s really boosted my confidence a lot.
And also when I get all glammed up and stuff, and I see kind of the glow up, if you will. That kind of gives me another little self-esteem boost that I didn’t really have when I was younger. So the fact that I did wait till I was older to compete. I think, helped with that, though.
Sarah (she/her)
I feel like i’m gonna come in and be the Debbie Downer, because you guys have so many like positive things to say, and that’s not to say I don’t have positive things either, like I was the type of person who couldn’t like make eye contact with anybody at 9 years old, like I wouldn’t have a conversation. I wouldn’t have eye contact with anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anybody like. I’m still very much, an in for introvert I’ve just learned to be extroverted when I need to be.
But, the one thing that I am notorious for is comparing myself to others like I, and I’m not good at holding myself accountable for that, especially in the day and age of social media, where every, you know, I especially felt it preparing for Miss America this year, you know it was. Oh, this person’s doing this, and you know. Look at all these states, and they’re all so amazing! And how am I supposed to differentiate myself between 50 other like incredible women. And the same at, you know the State level, too. I having competed just in, Miss, for 6 years, and in teen 2 years before that, and you know, preteen level. But the 6 years and Miss I had made top 10 every single year except one where I didn’t place.
And I had a really really hard time going into Miss New Hampshire this year, feeling very mediocre like, just internally, not knowing how I could up my game, how I could be Miss New Hampshire like I so desperately just wanted to do the job of Miss New Hampshire like. That’s something that I take really, really, seriously.
And I was like, almost like, what am I doing wrong, like? What are the judges not seeing? This is something that I’m so passionate about. It’s something that I love with my entire heart. How do I show them that? And it honestly wasn’t until this year that I was like, I just need to be Sarah like, I’m done being somebody that I think they want me to be over it like I’m just gonna go in and and be Sarah. And it worked. I mean, you know, I kind of just hope for the best. And but I walked out of that interview feeling very, well, wishy-washy, because I was like I was a 100% myself.
But do I know if they like me like. Is that even the point, you know, like do they see me as the right person for the job? And so, I am constantly dealing with that feeling of, “Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I my being the best representative that I possibly can be,” like, There’s constantly like the question in my mind of like, how can I be a better person today? How can I, you know, promote this organization, promote myself as much as possible. And I just have a hard time balancing like the positive, and that, and also, like where it can start to become negative self talk when it, it just becomes too much.
Jace (he/him)
Yeah, and I was honestly, I was nervous about this conversation at first, because I don’t know anything about pageants, and I I was concerned about how pageantry impacts people’s self image and impacts that feeling of like comparing ourselves to others and especially comparing our bodies, and I have found it, I don’t know heartwarming, I guess, to have this conversation with the 3 of you, because all 3 of you have pointed out different things about pageantry that gives you hope and gives you inspiration, and makes you feel good about yourselves, and it’s just been a wild ride to kind of learn all of this about pageantry, and learn all of the amazing things that it can do, but still that there’s that aspect of having a little bit of a ways to go and it, and still being willing to be the person who is going to make that change and help others see that. Did you have that? Oh, go ahead, Sarah?
Sarah (she/her)
No, I was just gonna say like I don’t want. You know what I I said to come across as negative in any way, because, like I truly love, like everything that the Miss America, organization and pageantry has given me like I am, I would not be the person that I am today without it. I am so much more confident. I can walk into a room and know that I own that. But I would also be lying if I said that I never compare myself to anybody, and I never have struggles like there is still that in the background of you know, needing or wanting to be the person that you imagined yourself to be in the role that you’re in. And so, I just, I want to clarify that like I I think so highly of pageants. But, I want to be real with you all like, I want to be like very open and candid that I struggle to.
Jace Troie (he/him)
And that honesty is what’s going to help, people make strides towards being the best version of themselves as well.
Crystal (she/they)
And I can relate to that sentiment, because, like I said, I know my accomplishments and my resume brought to the table. But, yeah was like comparing myself to others and fitness. Of course I was because I know that I’m again, not typically what people would see in a pageant. But that also makes me unique enough to point out to the judges and be like, yeah, she doesn’t fit the typical mold, but that’s what makes her her. So I kind of try to use it as a positive, but am I still comparing myself to the pack? Yes.
Jace (he/him)
But those unique qualities are also what make you so relatable to other people, and what might inspire people to go out and chase their own dreams, or do things their own way as well, and that’s really admirable.
Heather (she/they)
Okay, I’m sorry. So obviously there’s a lot of heavy expectations. Both on the responsibilities that you have if you do receive a title? Is that the best way to refer to it? But as far as the actually like being in the pageants, and the preparation that goes into it. Do you feel as though participating, or the fact that, even like within the institution of pageants, that things like fitness, where is beneficial or harmful to being a part of this institution. Obviously pros and cons for everything. I think. Sarah, you have highlighted like the duality of all of this very, very well. But i’m i’m just curious how how it feels to me. Even like in a minor way, to be perceived, or feel like you need to perform physically.
Sarah (she/her)
Yeah, I am. I feel like I kind of have a little bit of a unique experience. My mind automatically like went to swimsuit. Because, I that’s kind of historically what the fitness portion of Miss competitions have been. Actually in the team portion of the competition for the Miss New, the Miss America organization. They do have a fitness routine that they participate in, which I think is awesome.
But I participated in both swimsuit and the social impact pitch that we have now. So a few years ago the Miss America organization removed the swimsuit portion of the competition, and they replaced it with the social impact pitch, which is 45 seconds. It’s kinda like an elevator pitch of what you’re going to do, what’s important to you, your social impact initiative, and how you’re going to push everything forward with the job of Miss New Hampshire.
And hey, I really liked swimsuit. I feel like I get a lot of like weird looks and stuff when when I say that I was a big fan of it because it was fun. It was, you know I loved going out there, and like just feeling so confident, strutting my stuff. But I also know that wasn’t the experience of everybody.
And since removing the swimsuit phase of the competition, we’ve had a lot of different candidates come in, and it’s really diversified the program which I think it was needed from the start. Like I. What we have now is what the Miss America organization has just been working to develop is to to just be very inclusive of all types of people, no matter what.
And so I have a hard time with this question, because I I think that fitness, you know physical and mental wellness, is so important to be able to do the job. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be a size two, and so, being the perception of what you look like on stage or your what you look like to be fit, and how fit you actually are for the job are two separate things.
So I just think you know now that there isn’t a fitness phase of competition for the Miss Candidates, it’s something that I really try to push forward like you should be taking care of yourself. Make sure that you’re drinking enough water like, even if you can only do 15 min of yoga today, or take, you know, a 10 min. Walk outside. Do something to move your body. Get yourself in in a right head space. and just take care of yourself as much as you can. Because there’s no phase of competition, and it. You know, puts the accountability on you to really take care of yourself.
Heather (she/they)
Thank you for clarifying that because I think for for me. Finding clarity within that concept. It’s really about the exterior perception of a person versus like their actual physical abilities. And you know someone who has the ideal body image of a fit person may never exercise.
Sarah (she/her)
And I would like to. I wish I had like the papers, too, when we still had swimsuit. Because if you look on those papers, I don’t think ever once on there, it said like has to have a 6 pack or like anything like that. It was all about like how you presented yourself on stage, the level of confidence that you show like those types of things versus like what you physically looked like, which that kind of goes back to like the perception of things like. I always went out, never thinking like, Oh, you know, can you see this fat roll, or something like I always went out like I feel good, and I look good. And because I knew in my head what they were judging on. I never, I don’t know it just never like crossed my mind that they were judging me just on my physical appearance, like there were other things to take into consideration which just changed the way that I kind of looked at the phase of competition.
Crystal (she/they)
And, Sarah, you said basically what I was going to say is that in the fitness and the Mrs divisions, some systems still do swimsuit, others, the ones that I’ve competed in are like a sports bra, and shorts or sports brought in like yoga pants and it’s not about necessarily how physically fit you are per se. It’s how confident you can be in yourself, and kind of like your like, your self esteem, and how you present yourself is more of how it’s scored.
Kayleigh (she/her)
I think I have a little bit of a different perspective on the fitness and swimsuit. So I competed in the Outstanding Teen for a long time, and I competed in the fitness competition which was this little fitness routine where they go out and leggings in a tank top or a sports bra and I personally, I really struggled with that. I didn’t enjoy it. I I had poor body image. I like to be transparent, I had an eating disorder, too, and I really struggled with my body and my relationship with it. So, being up there on stage, especially at States, in front of so many people in a sports bra just feeling so, gross with like the way that I felt about myself was so difficult. And that’s when I think I needed to take a step back and realize that maybe I needed to take a break from pageantry, because I needed to work on myself and my image before I could get to the point where I could enjoy something like fitness.
Sarah (she/her)
Thank you, Kayleigh, because, like I don’t want to say the word blame, because there is no like blame here, but I feel like a lot of people look to like the phase of competition, and not necessarily like internally. You know, kind of recognize that, like they’re struggling and you know, that Pageants aren’t helping them at this moment, like you only have a finite time to compete within the organization and to compete when you’re not loving it, and really like enjoying it is, it’s hard to think about. You know what I mean like I went very much through, like a similar I I don’t want to say similar experience, but like there was a point in time where, like I really was not enjoying competing.
I didn’t want to be on stage and that was because I wasn’t mentally healthy like I needed to do some kind of like internal affection, and, you know. Move forward with my mental health before I could really like enjoy competing again. And so I just really appreciate that point that you make because you’re not sitting here just saying like I hated fitness. It was like, you know. You’re able to like kind of internalize that a little bit more, and realize why it wasn’t right for you at the time and kind of where to navigate next.
Jace (he/him)
And I think it’s so important that you shared that you took the time to do what was best for you. And although you didn’t have like, you only have so many years that you can compete in pageantry. You put your mental health above all else, and that can be a really difficult thing to do sometimes. But the fact that you took the steps to do that is really admirable. And I just wanted to say Thank you for doing that because we need you here, and we appreciate the fact that you took care of yourself.
Crystal (she/they)
I just wanted to comment on something you just said Jace about how you only have a certain amount of time, or your cycles and pageantry. A lot of systems are making it so. There’s like. if you’re older than Miss, but you’re not married, there’s like Ms. Divisions, and now they have, like a lead or classic, for, like older women, so depending on the system, you could compete from like toddler up until you’re like 80. So that’s another common misconception depending on the system. There are different divisions for all ages.
Jace (he/him)
I am learning so much tonight. This is fantastic.
Sarah (she/her)
I think it just depends. Like the Miss America organization we end at 26 years old and there’s nothing after that, like, you know with Miss U.S.A. There’s Miss Universe, nothing. like there’s Miss America, and then it’s done, and then you’re never allowed to compete again.
And so, like personally, I I don’t see myself ever competing in another system, just because, like I plan to move on and direct within the Miss New Hampshire organization, so like I won’t be competing anymore. I’ll be taking a role change. But I I think that’s a great point like depending on what system you’re in, and you know it. So most systems have an age range that you can compete in. But then there’s always other systems on top of that, that you can compete for.
Jace (he/him)
See, I never even knew there were systems. Wow, Well, wonderful! Thank you. I think we are getting towards the end of our time here, so I am just going to throw out one more question before we share some of our takeaways from the conversation.
But I would love to hear about. If there’s like one lesson you could share with young adults across our state that you’ve learned through pageantry, what would that lesson be, or what would you want to tell the young adults in our State whether or not they’re competing in pageantry or not.
Kayleigh (she/her)
I guess that I would say is as cliche. As it is, 100% be yourself. I’ve learned that when i’m competing, and I myself and I don’t win. Then you know,I was myself, and that’s okay. They, you know it wasn’t the right choice for me. And I guess that what I would share is that you know, loss is, you know, something to take in stride and something to take you know, as a boost to keep working and keep working on yourself.
Sarah (she/her)
I was just gonna say… That’s such a loaded good question, because there is like so many things that I’ve learned in pageantry.
But and Kayleigh kind of took mine so but, if there’s something that you’re passionate about, run with it. Like, Go for it. Don’t take no for an answer, you know. Like it’s so important to find the things in your life and the people in your life that are like minded that want to push you forward.
That really invest in you and your future, and regardless of pageants, you know, if after this episode you want to try competing, or if you’re like, No, I never want to step on stage. I I just think it’s so important to have that one or a couple of things that like is really really important to you, that you can just push yourself forward with it, and really take that, and build something off of it like there’s so many resources, so many organizations out there. And so many people who are willing to invest in you and so going off of what Kayleigh said, being yourself, and just letting your passion, like drive that future.
Crystal (she/they)
So again, piggy-backing up on what they just said, like self, love and learning to love yourself before you can, you know, put yourself out there, but also there’s a little Post-It note I have in my office with the letters QTIP, Q-tip and it’s something that I share with my clients often quit taking it personally like the negativity, or somebody says something to you or somebody is bullying you or somebody is giving you negative feedback, or they’re just being mean like Sarah said earlier hurt people hurt people. It has nothing to do with you.
It’s more of what they need to work on themselves to quit taking it personally. So that’s one thing I want people to take away. Q-tip.
Sarah (she/her)
I like that. I’m gonna use that from i’m just gonna like in my brain. Be like QTIP, quit taking it personally. But yeah, you make such a good point like I know also, you know, in the state position, I think I had mentioned earlier, like always needing to be needed always being that person that everybody is kind of looking to like.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself, to be able to give your all to everything, so you know it as much as in these roles as title holders. You want to give everything to everybody else. You have to take care of yourself first, so that you can give to everybody else.
Jace (he/him)
Wow! There’s so much good stuff to unpack here. Heather, Would you like to start off by telling us one of your takeaways from the conversation?
Heather (she/they)
Absolutely.
First of all, thank you all so much for putting yourself in such a vulnerable space. Though you’re pretty used to sharing with others, being able to talk about the pros and cons of navigating this environment. It’s much appreciated.
And I have a couple of things that are really sticking with me. One of which is the fact that you all shared ways that you set boundaries within your relationship with pageantry. Whether that is your Mind Your Mental Health Monday, or being able to take a step back and take a break and revisit it with the space, is right for you. That’s just, it’s such a valuable tool to have to be able to to step back and say, “I need a break. I need a day. I need a month, a week, a year.”
Regardless of what field you’re in, or what your hobbies are. It’s something that we aren’t, really taught to do so, thank you. And some, the other thing that has really been sitting with me was Sarah. You said so many people will invest in you, and I think that, as a statement is just very valuable, and I think it’s hard as an individual at times to be able to think about all the people in your life who are there to invest in you? And even if you aren’t aware at the moment they are there.
Jace (he/him)
My takeaway from this conversation is going to have to be that not all of us are going to fit into the same mold throughout our whole lives. And just because we don’t fit into the same mold doesn’t mean that we’re not all going to do amazing things when given the opportunity, or given the the push or the courage to go chase our dreams, and to do what feels meaningful to us. And so I just wanted to thank all 3 of you for that reminder, because sometimes it’s hard to believe in yourself. But the 3 of you tonight just made me want to believe it myself so much more, and I appreciate that.
So with that being said, I am going to send us into our wrap up and say, thank you to all 3 of you for joining us today. You are all so wonderful, and we really cannot express how much we appreciate your vulnerability with us today, and I just want to say good luck to you with all of your future endeavors. And if you continue competing, good luck with those competitions, but please make sure that you are always taking care of yourself at the same time as well.
Sarah (she/her)
Thank you.
Crystal (she/they)
Thanks for the opportunity.
Heather (she/they)
All right, and as always, thank you to our listeners as well. Your engagement with this podcast gives us the ability to continue sharing stories like these from our community, if you like today’s episode, consider sharing it on social media, and if you’re interested in more, 603 Stories content, please visit us at 603 stories.org, or on our Instagram at 603 stories.
Jace (he/him)
Thank you all, and see you next time.