Trans

By: Soren C. — Magnify Voices Finalist 2024

(Content Note: Self Harm)

Find community in people who don’t look like you and forgive your family when you
leave; wish you didn’t leave them and cry when you aren’t accepted back; pick a name
that sounds normal – pick a name your parents would have chosen; don’t change your
name too early, you will regret it; don’t change your name at all; is it true you asked to be
called a different name?; wear clothing that lets you pass and pray no one sees your
rainbow bracelet; make social media for family and different social media for friends
use your birth name with your family; be the son or daughter – be the boy or girl – don’t
be ‘other’ like the t****y you are so bent on becoming; but I didn’t ask and no one called me
that anyway; learn not to flinch when you hear your birth name; learn how to walk in
bathrooms with your birth gender; learn how to hear slurs without adrenaline pumping
in your veins; leave your hair the way it was before you knew you were different – th
will notice if you change it; pretend not to stare when you pass other trans on the street

you can’t have them see you; nod your head when your parents say the community is
disgusting and repeat it back to save face; this is how you survive; this is how to pass as
cis; this is how to be more masculine; this is how to be more feminine; this is how to be
more trans; this is how to be less trans; never throw away your old clothing; you will
always be that little girl or boy – never grow up; when you do grow up stay the same; stay
your assigned gender so you can stop looking like the t****y you are so bent on
becoming; fall back into your assigned role so you can fulfill life as who we want you
be; stop being happy in your skin and cover back up your scars; tell the doctors you want
surgery to be normal – not because of your gender; bear a child or be the father of one
but only do what we expected of you when you were born; kill the feelings in your chest
when you see a happy trans; never be happy when you see another trans; this is how to
get back in the good graces of god; this is how to forgive your sins; this is how to f
yourself; this is how to repent; smile into the eyes of the elders and don’t meet the eyes
of the youngers – you are a danger – don’t let the idea cross your mind again; this is how
to change what was wrong in the first place – to become an ideal member of society
don’t talk to children you will contaminate their minds – you are a trans you know; don’t
speak of your community; don’t kiss your partner unless you’re both normal; don’t cry
over being trans – you chose to do this to yourself; don’t breathe the same air as the

normal people around you – you are a trans, you know; this is how to be a little girl or
boy like you were when you were young so they won’t recognize immediately the t****y I
have warned you against becoming; this is how to hide your pride; this is how to never
feel pride at all; this is how to be normal; grow up in a rural town and move to the city –
you can be normal there; build a family as a normal person so you can be a normal
parent; keep your gender to yourself and don’t bother others with your troubles; but
what if it hurts not to be myself?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to
the kind of trans who wants to change?

Resources:

https://nhcsoc.org/magnify-voices/2024-submissions/

https://www.naminh.org/resources/lgbtqiaresources/